| |
| Anything But The Poutine 3 |
 |
Third and Final Part
Third, final article-come-confessionary of embarrassments and observations from a particularly clumsy, helpless Englishman emmigrating to Canada
Posted on
11/01/2008
|
| Anything but the Poutine 2 |
| |
Part 2 of Stu's Canucky blog
Second article-come-confessionary of embarrassments and observations from a particularly clumsy, helpless Englishman emmigrating to Canada.
Posted on
30/12/2007
|
| Anything but the Poutine |
| |
Part 1 of Stu's Canucky blog
Article-come-confessionary of embarrassments and observations from a particularly clumsy, helpless Englishman emmigrating to Canada.
Posted on
30/12/2007
|
| Fear and Loathing in Stockport |
 |
Goody, Orwell, the BNP and women.
Goody Gracious Me! Heat magazine have published an exclusive interview with Jade Goody in which she bemoans the end of her career in the aftermath of the Big Brother Bollywood Star Bullying Debacle
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Mr Cheese |
 |
DAIRY! DAIRY!
Mr Cheese lived in a very small town, and in that very small town he worked in a very small cheese shop. People from the small town would visit the small cheese shop everyday. "Good day, what cheese do you have today?"
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Montreal Christmas |
 |
A real-life yuletide tale
I'm flying to Canada in less than thirty days time. I'm spending Christmas over there with my girlfriend and her family. It's the fourth time I've been over there. Hopefully it will go a bit better this time.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Hot Magazine |
 |
With Alligator Dog Boy
Hello Celeb lovers! Would you like to see my owl? It's a nice one, squwark, squwark! I keep him in a child-sized coffin!
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Bad Advice for Children |
 |
Cruelty in rhyme form.
My friend is due to give birth in three months time and on her desk at work is a selection of nursery rhymes that she plans on singing to the child once she is born.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Egon Spenglers Ghost Hunting Studies 2 |
 |
The former Ghost Buster returns for a second time
Welcome back to my words, Ghostbusters fans! It's your special friend Egon Spengler and I'm back with more tales of the paranormal! Look at my face! Look at it!
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| The psycho guide to Birthday Parties |
 |
The Rev returns
Pop! Bang! Whee! No, it’s not a man clouting a wayward urchin , it’s the sound of the celebratations of a birthday party (or soree)!
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Infamous 5 x 2! Ten, in fact! |
 |
The conclusion!
Dock had the map up his bum for safe keeping and in the hope that Jollyon might try and remove it with his tongue. However this proved to be a bad idea.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Infamous Five Adventure! |
| |
The Infamous Five and the Droitwich Treasure map!
It was a beautiful spring morning outside Aunt Fanny's country house near Droitwich. Birds sang to the sunrise and trees gently brushed in the breeze.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Preconceived Morons |
 |
Baa Baa wool sheep
he Baa Baa Black Sheep story reared its head again, as it has done since I was a child. You know the story, a school in x has been banned from singing “Baa Baa Black sheep"
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Everyone is going protest crazy |
 |
Anti-anti-anti-anti-anti
Since I last spoke, it seems that this country has gone protest crazy. We have people protesting about cartoons, pensions, profane operas featuring chat show hosts...
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Those who are sadly... |
 |
Goodnight from him.
2005 was a strange year. We lost a lot of people who we thought would never die. Ronnie Barker passed away, which has cut off a particularly irregular but extremely reliable source of income for me.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| George Galloway |
 |
Lick-spittle.
I am quite political, but I have never allowed my politics to be the sole or main way of judging someone. Obviously there are certain exceptions; ex-members of the Hitler Youth are obviously a no-no.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Rabbi Bums |
 |
Scotchlands favourite poet
Welcome to poem culture! In here I have done typed up some fucking shit rhymes for you to enjoy, memorise and regale at the next lesbian dinner you do.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| My brum brum |
 |
Another car related story.
I haven't had the greatest of luck, when it comes to cars. Even from a young age, things started to go wrong. Like most wee toddlers, I loved things like trains, cars and wetting my pants.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| A review of 2005 |
 |
Mark talks about the past year
The year kicks off with a conga starting at Lands End, finishing at John O Groats. By the end of it, there are 20,000 people joining in. Things get a bit messy when it goes through a Mr Taylor’s garden.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Dear Diary Part 4 - The Finale |
 |
The concluding part.
The prison people have been very nice to me. When the realised JUST how special I am, they let me have my diary back. Apparently, my friend has been allowed to leave. WHEN CAN I?
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Dear Diary Part III |
| |
The. Third. Part.
I'd love to know what it feels like to have a rat in my mouth. I am still lying low with my friend, without any trousers on. The police were here earlier.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Here in my car |
 |
An embarassing but totally true story
I received an important lesson this month in how you should never trust anybody with an embarrassing secret.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Superman |
 |
Is it a bird..... No.
If there was one figure in popular culture who had more influence on shaping the generation of young minds whilst I was growing up, then it would have to be Superman.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Dear Diary PART TWO |
| |
The second bit.
What the HELL is all this talk about SNAILS living in your EYES? I tried to push a couple of snails into the soft tissue of my eyeball, and it really, really hurt!
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Dear Diary... |
| |
The comfort diary of a troubled man.
Dear Diary, this is very exciting! It has been suggested to me by Maureen, that I try to keep a diary so that I can reflect upon my activities.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Box - o - shit |
 |
CONSUME, CONSUME
Are you tired of actually putting effort into purchasing expensive trash to inject a small fragment of joy into your otherwise vapid and pointless life?
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Seymour Hands TWO |
 |
The holidayed TWAT.
Yo! I am well holidayed and there is NO PANIC because this time I've got a film in the can! No, I'm not shitting....
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| The Medusa Touch |
 |
Everything I touch turns to....
“The Medusa Touch” is a film from 1978, starring Richard Burton and Lee Remick, in which Burton’s writer character, “Morlar” believes that he is responsible for all the disasters that occur in the world.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Everybody wants to rule the world. |
 |
Especially Mark.
I have recently developed a slightly narcissistic streak and began to feel
that perhaps things really would be better if I did run the country after
all.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Agony Auntie2 |
 |
More pain is fixed by Auntie Mr John
Auntie Fishcake won't accept your bleed. Which is why I'm doing my listening at your gristled hellishly ouch. Send your problems at me so I can pretend to
care:
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Yarbles & Gobshite FINALE! |
 |
How will it end? I know, because I clicked on the link. GO!
There’s nothing like wandering around a well-stocked armoury to get your testosterone flowing. Sergeant Baldy had been on duty there and had walked me round.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| GungHover |
 |
Stop. Moving. World. Must. Puke. HELP.
Rise and shine. Oh shit, oh shit. No. NO!!! No. NO!!! The sickness as my reality connects. Memory is a washing machine of terrible proximity and my arms are blind guides.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Yarbles and Gobshite 4 |
| |
In a great deal of trouble
“You’re in a very great deal of trouble.” Great. Just what I needed to hear. I’d like to say that trouble was my middle name, but it’s actually “Boris” and I’ll thank you not to mention it.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Seymour Hands |
 |
Production Plans
HOLY SHIT! My name is Seymour Hands, I have but TWO DAYS to produce a new, innovative piece of media for "the kids" so I better get on with it at the speed of an elastic spaniel being fired up a down!
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Yarbles and Gobshite III |
 |
The story continues.
Our intrepid hero, Ernesto Gobshite, had been reassigned to the Lumbar City Police Department, where he had been teamed up with a new partner, Marlon Yarbles.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Spitfire Chastity reviews Xmas singles |
 |
Count them. Four.
Ho ho ho readers, it’s that time of year again, the turkeys are becoming slowly aware of the futile nature of their own existence and hundreds of depressed loners are sending themselves cards.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Fnag. |
 |
A stroy about Nag.
'Twas a cold, dark night, in the Nag. The moon shone over the little village, and over the townsfolk, sleeping in their little villagey beds.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Team Fishvestigation |
 |
Crayola Butchammer investigates.
Salutations. My name is Crayola
Butchammer, and I've been on
a secret undercover investigation for... well... me.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| The Team Fishcake Gay Test |
 |
A fun online personality test!
There are a number of GAY tests dotted around on the net and there's also some TV show called "How Gay Are You?". But, these tests are often far too confusing for the type of person that has to use a website to pigeon hole their sexuality.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Yarbles and Gobshite - Two |
| |
Part the two of the detective story.
(D.U.C.K.) is a hallucinogenic mind-stabilising compound, noted also for its stimulant and metabolic depressant qualities.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Egon Spenglers Ghost Hunting Studies |
| |
The former Ghostbuster returns to tackle spooks
Since I appeared in the famous blockbusting movies, Ghostbusters I & II, I've been receiving literally One letters from my admirers. And I'd like to set the record straight. Mulder was never in Ghostbusters. You have the wrong address, quit wasting my time.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Yarbles and Gobshite - Prologue |
| |
The start to a story about CRIME.
Its real name is New Smethwick, but everyone calls it Lumbar City, just north of the asshole of nowhere. It’s cold, it rains, and it attracts scum better than the powerball bit in a dishwasher tablet.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| A brief history of Team Fishcake |
 |
About our 8 years of existence.
1996 - Mike Thorpe sat in a shed one day, pondering on life, love, bandages
and spandex. He decided to vent his insane buggeriness onto a small piece of cheese.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Nailbomb 3 - Piers Pressure |
 |
I'm starting with the man in The Mirror.
The first scalp in Fleet Street was claimed recently, when the train-wreck that was the Mirror Abuse Photos Expose came to a scraping, grinding and shuddering halt.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Veterinary Surgery |
 |
A psychologically unsound persons guide.
After desecrating his grave, we found some more of the Rev's
guides. Here's one NOW. By Reverend John Knickers and his jar full of skin.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| A campaign on behalf of... |
 |
The SPBAAPELOA.
The Society for the Protection of Blind Amputee Alzheimers Paraplegic Elderly Leprosy Orphans with Aids. Oxfam spends your money on crack.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Introduction to Formula 1 2004 |
 |
Dan talks about vrooming.
Formula One. The pinnacle of global motorsport. The thing that all competitive drivers have at the very top of their wish list. Engineering excellence meets strategic genius meets steel-nerved precision.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Peter Kay on the moon |
 |
A leaked confidential document.
Peter Kay is to make history by becoming the first comedian to travel to the moon. Kay, 30, who has recently celebrated the birth of his
first baby is said to be “’reet proud.”
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Kevs Holidayz |
 |
Its a broshure, innit.
If you be wantin a holiday dat iz just da best fing in da world an you wanna go out and get drunk and get laid then come on one of mah speshul Ibiza holidays!!!!
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Dreams |
 |
Dr Strangelove examines your thoughts
The other night, in one of my "is there nothing worth looking at on this poxy Internet contraption?!?" moods, I happened upon a Dream Interpretation site.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Nailbomb 2 |
 |
Burning bridges and naming names.
These last few months have seen more people come forward and proudly announce themselves to be card carrying bigots.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Alpha Male 5b |
 |
The End.
EarthGov was a hive of activity. Were the Aliens a threat? Should the SpaceFort™ Project have been delayed?
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Alpha Male Five |
| |
The Pent-Logy concluded
All good things come to an end. Good people, great stories, the best performances, loving relationships,
comedy web sites...
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Untitled As Yet 7 |
 |
7 episodes of 'interesting' consequence.
Spock was cooking beans. Doctor Who was wanking furiously into some soup and Blake was trying to slice a lobster.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Untitled As Yet 6 |
| |
7 episodes of 'interesting' consequence.
The teacher walked briskly into the room. For a summer day, she was horrendously overdressed. Timmy giggled.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Untitled As Yet 5 |
| |
7 episodes of 'interesting' consequence.
Tonight was some anniversary or another for Joseph and Mary. They’d been together a while now, though nobody really cared how long. A couple called "Joseph and Mary" would never last, anyway.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Untitled As Yet 4 |
| |
7 episodes of 'interesting' consequence.
A Mr John Presentation of pure science friction type story with ending and matching action sequences. Right on.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Untitled As Yet 3 |
| |
7 episodes of 'interesting' consequence.
John slumped back on the couch, sighing strongly. Completely at a loss for things to do, he lay there semi-conscious.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Untitled As Yet 2 |
| |
7 episodes of 'interesting' consequence.
"John? John!? Stop pissing about John, where are you?" It was the day Dave had been dreading since he was
twenty-five. The day he had watched from afar with frightened knowledge.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Untitled As Yet 1 |
| |
7 Episodes of interesting consequence
"Fancy a brew?", "It is time.", "Time for what?", "The time of revealing is upon us.", "What?!", "I must now reveal to you my true identity.".
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Things Ive Pushed Through Toast |
 |
The legendary and most visited article.
The legendary pictures of... well it is what it is... it's literally photgraphs of everyday objects that have been pushed through toast. We also had a competition...
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| A Fly Called Steve |
 |
innit.
Once upon a time there was a fly
called Steve. He was a nice fly, and he was a homie who was in with the posse.
Steve was walking through the pile of dog poop.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| How To Be An Unintentional Stalker |
| |
Freaking People Out For Fun
Last week, I was walking home from
my girlfriend's house late at night, and there was this girl, about 16, 17 maybe 18 years old walking in the same direction.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Spite Rant 4 |
 |
Horses are cunts
Every time that I try to explain this particular annoyance to anyone that knows me, they don't seem to fully appreciate how narked to the very core I can quickly become at the sight of a horse on a road, a person sitting on a horse or any other quadruped/pet related paraphernalia.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Spite Rant 3 |
| |
Anti-PC Comics
Since we've had many
comedians which people describe as "Politically Correct", we've had traditional (bigoted) comics slithering
out of the woodwork.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Spite Rant 1 |
| |
Charity TV is shit
It seems that there are so many charity
TV programmes around the world... but nothing ever happens. I had an idea for a charity event that would raise a lot of money...
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Spam |
 |
Its fucking shit.
Unsolicited Commercial Email
(or SPAM) is increasingly common these days. To quote Professor Jeffett
Corlslicker "It's fucking shit!".
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Sneaky Preview |
 |
Louis Theroux meets Big JC
We are extremely lucky to have a
spy in the BBC, who feeds our minds with information. Here we have this
exclusive transcript of a 'secret' film made recently.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
|
|
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 14 |
 |
Vacuous Bigots
Every country has its army of vacuous bigots, ready to respond to any question with an unwavering pig ignorance which never ceases to despair me.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 13 |
| |
Paedophiles
The government recently closed a loophole in the law which had existed, that made it easy for paedophiles and sex offenders to go to countries like Bangkok without their motives being called into question.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 12 |
| |
War
The war was a foregone conclusion from the start. George Bush wanted it, so it was going to happen. It is as simple as… that.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 11 |
| |
Mortification
Being caught masturbating is one of the most excruciatingly embarrassing things that can befall you. There is, however, something which happened to me which is all the more mortifying.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 10 |
| |
Diary Miskeeping
Due to my ever increasingly hectic schedule, I have taken to keeping a diary with me at all times. Not a secret diary. Not a diary from which I can recount Memoirs and then sell.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 9 |
| |
Richard Littlejohn
Just under a year ago a record number of people descended upon London to stand in line and circle the Queen Mother’s coffin.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 8 |
| |
Myra Hindley, A Tribute
I find it quite interesting. In the week that Diana died, Mother Teresa decided to pop her little sandals. It was almost as though God wanted to create a nice little dichotomy.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 7 |
| |
Life is a lottery
Another drastic change in my life is that I have started buying the Daily Mail. Yes, I have delved into the world of blind reactionary hate and “bunny fascism”.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 6 |
| |
The moon is not a balloon
Since writing my last column I have undergone something of a Laurence Llwelyn style makeover in terms of some of my beliefs.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 5 |
| |
Political Correctness Corrected
An argument that seems to be becoming increasingly fashionable is the idea that you can now no longer say anything in public without some do-gooder leaping all over you.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 4 |
| |
Rancid Crime Conspiracy
Crime, it would appear, is everywhere. If we were to believe everything we read in the papers, then leaving the house and making our way to the shops is fraught with unknown dangers.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 3 |
| |
Our Forward Thinking World
Hey, did anybody watch The Sopranos the other night? You must have seen it, all you E4 whores out there will have seen it a good year ago.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 2 |
| |
Kebabs and wanking comdey
There are some good comedians out there but we now have a glut of what I like to call “Kebabs N Wanking” comedians. A bunch of Loaded-reading, trendy bottled beer drinking, designer clad chancers.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Mark Palmers Sanitation 1 |
| |
Comic Relief, relief
Earlier this year saw the recurrence of the phenomenon known as Comic Relief. Celebrities donned silly costumes, set themselves up and took part in a four hour marathon of average entertainment.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Reverend Knickers Lost File 2 |
 |
Guide to Acting
Lavvie! Daahling! Daddy!! This, my faithful readers (or serfs) is how actors greet each other. Yes I know. It’s stupid, but, the prerequisite of an actor is to be shit
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Reverend Knickers Lost File 1 |
| |
Guide to Music
We are happy to tell you all, yes "you" all – that we have been given a few "lost files" of Reverend John Knickers by the thieves that stole his old stuff.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
We've killed him off!
It is with great regret that we inform you that Team Fishcake's very own Reverend John Knickers has died. On June 24th at 7:23am, we hit him with a stick .
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Money!
Daddy! You’ve bought me a bicycle! Hooray! Welcome back, my kindred children. You may have noticed a little someone else on this page! Yes, I met a lady on my holidays.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...The Middle Class!
Air hair-lair peeple! The eleventh of my
beautiful guides is here. One has become a middle clarss since the
larst issue of the Team Fishcake.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Ice skating!
Yes, I know I was euthanised a few months ago, but I was brought back by the magic of the Eiffel Tower and it's swirling haze of rancid sewage.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Driving!
And welcome to my new guide! This year, it's a guide to driving a car. Driving is popular. More than one hundred people drive cars (or vehicals).
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Cookery!
Bon Appetit! That is not English. This guide is though. "Bon Appetit" comes from the French phrase "Good Appetite" - the person saying it has a good appetite and wants foodstuffs.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Marriage!
Quite what I should say here, I am not
sure, but the usual method of greeting is to say 'hello'. Hello. Over the course of the next few minutes I shall be teaching you.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Lying!
Hello there, big eyes! For you this issue, I have created a guide to how you can wriggle out of any situation in which you may find yourself in.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Decorating!
Here I am in my nice little cell (or room), doing lots of nice things like making baskets and things. I have also been allowed to decorate my living compartment.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Child Minding!
Greetings. Welcome to my wonderful home. In this issue I shall be advising you how to look after children. Children are stupid creatures.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Toilet Paper!
Welcome to the third instalment of my wonderful guides! They say that a finger of fudge is just enough to give your kids a treat. How could they possibly be so perverted?
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Wardrobes!
So you've decided to spice up your grotty little pus-encrusted room with a bit of furniture have you? Why not get a wardrobe (or cupboard)?
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Psychologically Unsound Guide to.. |
| |
...Trees!
This strange looking thing here is what is known in the real world as a tree. In fact, in this picture there are two of them. Count them. One, Two!
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Peter Kay Comedy Generator |
 |
Now you, too, can be as funny as Peter Kay
Everybody loves Peter Kay. His wonderful style of pointing out the obvious, his repeated telling of all of our all-time favourite gags, and his re-counts of the life of all notherners.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Alternative Wizard of Oz 3 |
 |
Final part of the threequal
My search for the alternative ending almost ended in failure this morning, because I almost forgot how to wake up!
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Alternative Wizard of Oz 2 |
| |
Part 2 of the threequal
Dear Diary, "the search for the Alt. End. take two." Today I [Deleted for sexual, racial, prejudicial and many other reasons], and that was nice.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Alternative Wizard of Oz |
| |
An alternative ending to the Wizard of Oz
First things first, the title "The Wizard of OZ" does not refer to a homosexual Australian or Mark Viduka, but an alternative wizard of oz.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Nailbomb 1 |
 |
Evans above, Interesting fact and Race Test
Apparently Chris Evans is still having trouble finding a way back into the world of popular entertainment. His latest Channel 4 series Boys And Girls did not entirely set audiences alight.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Japanese Eurovision 2 |
 |
Super Manga Adventure go go
Mr John San brings you more land of rising sun fan fun. Yeah. Please don't hit me.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Japanese Eurovision 1 |
| |
Super Manga Adventure go go
In Japan recently, in fact NOW, there is rebellion and unease, as well as Mangos, Playstationery and stuff about Pokeyourmum.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Club Cards |
 |
Join us. Join us. JOIN US.
"That’ll be twenty-five pounds and sixteen pence sir.", "Cheers, here ya go.", "“Do you have a store clubcard?”
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Mikes Medical Complaints |
 |
Find out about Mikes body cavity fun.
As medical disorders go, haemorrhoids is quite a “comedy” condition. Almost definitely because they’re on the bottom. The arse. The posterior, the behind.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Kevs Guides 5 |
 |
Kevs Guide to Rapping
Rapping (An I don’t mean non of dat chrismas present shit). No you all who no me no dat ah like a bit of da riddum an da rhime. Me an me mate Dave are amateur rap artists.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Kevs Guides 4 |
| |
Kevs Guide to The Stock Market
In dis world we iz livin in today, you can buy bitz of peeples biznizzez, not da bricks or enifin like dat ya no, i means in da form of dese sharez.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Kevs Guides 3 |
| |
Kevs Guide to Speaking Spanish
Spanish iz da phattist language the world got goin on. Mainly because Ibiza is a Spanish city ya know. I has been there loadsa time and it iz wicked.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Kevs Guides 2 |
| |
Kevs Guide to Clay Pigeon Shooting
Now dis is a really bitchin sport you know, they does it at tha Olympiks. What you’s gonna need is a fat ass rifle, and sum of these clay birds.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Kevs Guides 1 |
| |
Kevs Guide to Feeding the Ducks
Now, I likes nothing better then getting on a one to one wiv muvver nature, after all, she iz a bird, and shes probably got tits.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Team Fishcake Employment Agency |
 |
Work. Do it.
SHED DWELLER - with sinister eyes required. Apply to Fundays Nursery. 0111 762 321. Unintelligible Sound maker wanted, must have own distorted vocals.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Boris Johnson |
 |
Guide to househunting by the MPJournoNut job
Recently, Team Fishcake met up with Conservative MP and editor of "The Spectator" Boris Johnson at the Savoy Grill, for a frank and fictitious brainstorming session.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Spite Rant Six |
| |
Gayness.
I'm a very straightforward man. I like to live in a tidy house, in a nice town with pleasing day to day occupations to pacify me.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Happy Camp |
 |
Mikes diary of holiday hell.
Mid February 1998 a friend told me of his expedition to a certain holiday camp in Wales for a week. The way he described it, it made it sound relatively ok, so I decided I would give it a try.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| The Hamtrix 3 |
 |
Part3: Resolutions
"So basically we are living in a world where nothing is real, only an illusion created by a race of hamsters who took over the world because they got pissed off in living in cages."
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| The Hamtrix 2 |
| |
Part 2: Retanked
Dave wakes in his room, surrounded by used tissues and copies of good housekeeping. He rubs his head, wondering how he got home, and when.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| The Hamtrix 1 |
| |
Part 1: What is the Hamtrix?
Perception: Our day-in, day-out world is real. Reality: That world is a hoax, an elaborate deception spun by all-powerful hamsters
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Gordon Sinclairs Reviews |
 |
Gordon "Gordon" Sinclairs reviews a Post Office.
Hi Chums, and welcome to my exciting new column, where I will be touring the length and breadth of the nation reviewing Post Offices! That's right, Post Offices.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Flat 134b |
 |
Amusing tale. With a lesson to be learnt. Or a choice to be rethought.
Scene: Morning. Interior. The lounge of a small-ish 3 bedroom student-type flat. Various film & music posters on the woodchip covered walls.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Flap Chats |
 |
MSN Chat is dead. Louise killed it.
"Yeah right, fookin' large aright? Liam 'ere, gonna tell yer about Louise Le Cornu, that foxy bird from Team Fookin Fishcake in Madchester.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Fishmeat |
 |
Prepare for a rocktastic gaying
This is the really great with pictures isn't it diary of the weekend recent when Mr John flew into Mark Palmer's and Mike Thorpe's Manchester world and demanded that everyone sat down.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Team Fishcake Brew |
 |
We talk bollocksh.
Right ya ffffriendsh of TeeeemHish- cack. Whodapppenz when yer fave-rit mad bashtard comedy unclesh getsh pished? Lemmee tellya, cum 'ere ya bashtardsh.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| The Fieldmouse Family |
 |
A delightful kiddies story.
Are we ready children? Once upon a time there was family of field mice.
They lived in the middle of a great big wheat field. The sun shone constantly.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Politically Correct Exams |
 |
2 Exams, for your education.
Show all of your working and take extra note of emboldened text. Marks may be awarded for showing understanding and sympathy towards the plight of the fictional characters used throughout this examination.
Posted on
07/09/2007
|
| Dr. Volvohead |
 |
The startingly scatalogical adventures
One day, Dr Volvohead was visiting a particularly ill patient... "Ohh, fuck me, I'm dying for a big shit! Hello? Hurry up and answer! I need a big crap!".
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Date With Team Fishcake |
 |
Some called this selfindulgent, but it's not even realistic!
What happens when the guys of Team Fishcake get together for a weekend ? Read on, mon fromagge. (This is mostly true).
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Crabs |
 |
If crabs had necks, they'd hurt reading this
Crabs - What's in a name? A messianic, or just messy, Mr John, gets a bit naturist on your ass. Zoiks!!
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Classified Ads |
 |
It's better than Ebay
Sandwich, chicken with salad and mayo, fully digested hence £2.00 for quick sale. Hovercraft, green, full of eels, 3yr extended guarantee... £2,355.50.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Cheesy Pasta |
 |
and the syrup sponge of doom
So anyway, a lot of weird shit has happened to me since "ever" but I thought this particular story would make you lot reading this now, enjoy your present moment a bit better than what you did a minute ago. And I mean that.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Homage to Net Chatrooms |
 |
Like the man in a raincoat who talks to you on the bus
Since the dawn of the Internet and
electronic communication, they’ve become completely unavoidable. They suck you in like some cult.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Lady Louises Bedtime Stories |
 |
Can't sleep? This wont help, but read anyway.
One day Mr Monkey was walking along Jungle Path when he saw two balls on the floor. "OH LOOK, IT'S TWO RED BALLS" said the little monkey.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Article 100 |
 |
001 rebmuN elcitrA si sihT
What does one do with her life? I had ambitions to be a squid at one point, but the money was wet. So I turned to drier activities.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Nightmares About Ann Summers |
 |
And her infamous parties...
My friend gets a bit embarrassed by his actions and doesn't want to be associated with them... When I say his actions, I mean to say his "in-actions".
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Alpha Male 3 |
| |
It's part 3
Whilst pushing himself through a regime of reading up on Political ambition, psychological (cheating) tactics in elections and gathering momentum in his drive to become whatever he was destined to become...
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Alpha Male 2 |
| |
Part 2 of IT.
"What the hell are you doing to my head by saying that???" Said the man known as Belvadore Cliffkhips.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Alpha Male |
| |
Part 1
Ounce upon a thyme, there was a man. Now I know that's a shit way to begin a story, but it's happening to you like that.
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
| Alphamale 4 |
| |
Semi-serious scifi insanity
"Where do I go from here? You got me this far, I've done everything in my power, now what? I'm at a dead end?"
Posted on
06/09/2007
|
|
|
|
