Oh my GOODNESS me. It's been PROVEN by the TRUTH in that NEWSPAPERS hold the key to LIFE.

What does all this mean? Yes. Yes it does. Reading the more below will make you understand. READ MORE and find your life ENHANCING ITSELF.

Well hello there.

There are a number of GAY tests dotted around on the net, such as the Channel 4 one for example, and there's also some TV show called "How Gay Are You?" on Sky.

But...

It's Christmas Day. The evil ghost of Michael Buerk is on a hysterical rampage. He is scuttling through BBC Television Centre on his seven titanium legs, chewing up researchers, journalists and presenters in an insane bid to gain control of BBC1's Christmas Dinner schedule.

The concluding part.
The prison people have been very nice to me. When the realised JUST how special I am, they let me have my diary back. Apparently, my friend has been allowed to leave. WHEN CAN I?

The. Third. Part.
I'd love to know what it feels like to have a rat in my mouth. I am still lying low with my friend, without any trousers on. The police were here earlier.

The second bit.
What the HELL is all this talk about SNAILS living in your EYES? I tried to push a couple of snails into the soft tissue of my eyeball, and it really, really hurt!

Dear Diary, this is very exciting!  It has been suggested to me by Maureen, that I try to keep a diary so that I can reflect upon my activities....

The CuntBus of Verbal Oblivion
Wunce opun a tyme.... Foot! Fridge! Dog and skies! Bullock! Lots of things inside of speech bubbles, yes?11!

Holy CRAP!!!

There’s an offer on at Fåst-savør. Cans of beans at 8 pence instead of 9 pence! Jesus Christ, it’s total madness!!! As you can well imagine, stocks of beans are quite LITERALLY flying off the shelves! Literally! LITERALLY!!!

However.... The sad truth is, there is only ONE can of beans left in the entire store. And three pensioners have their beady cataract-ridden eyes on it. It’s a race to the death. It is the OLD BIDDY BAKED BEAN BARGAIN BONANZA!

Now you, too, can be as funny as Peter Kay
Everybody loves Peter Kay. From his wonderful style of pointing out the obvious, his repeated telling of all of our all-time favourite gags, and his hilarious re-counts of the life of every single northern person, his loveable persona appeals to a wide audience.