Sorry to sadden you all beyond your wildest beliefs, but this is the penultimate show. Due to a shortage of money and, almost as importantly, a shortage of mildly amusing content, connect radio will probably be dead by the end of the next show.

For some reason, I haven't yet found my life partner. Perhaps I haven't looked hard enough, or perhaps it has something to do with my penchant for smearing faeces over the face of every woman I meet, who knows?

Not one to be put off by such details, I have written a love song for my lovely girlfriend/wife/slavewoman. As you can imagine, since I've never met this woman, I have no idea what she's like. With that in mind, I've tried to cover as many bases as I can.

Another fucking CRACKIN' show for you guys!! guys?
What are you doing with those AXES?? Anyway. Another great show featuring a whole gumph-load of gusset sweating stuff, although mostly it's just about video games. And it's all made up.

Oh what's the point? The station manager had me in the office earlier today to tell me that the shareholders, just like the listeners, all think that Connect Radio is a silly name for a radio station and that someone should have hired a branding company to come up with something better.

After a-not-quite-long-enough hiatus Connect Radio is back with their third show.  This time coming live from a street market in Trowbridge. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? Oh!! Ha ha, you're here to download the next issue of Connect Radio. I thought you were here to rape my wife! A simple misunderstanding. Please forgive me. PLEASE!! Anyway, Connect Radio has been away for a little while because I forgot all about it. Well, I HAVE had a bit of a busy time to be completely honest with you...

Holy bum-icicles, lobster face. It's another C-C-C-Connect RRRaddddioooo. Wiggle your mouse over the Read More button below with your grubby fingers that you've just finished using for masturbation and tune in to the second show. But first read my words.

That's right.

The first show in the series. LISTEN: while teamfishcake presents Connect Radio. DROP YOUR JAW TO THE TABLE: while teamfishcake beg you to forget any of this ever happened.

Ahhh, yes. I remember it well. There I was, sat at a slightly soiled dining room table in Wales wishing I could die in an exciting enough way to be remembered, but one that didn't sting too much.

Squirmy Love by Monster Bob and the Hot Pockets, a swamp rock song. Some people say food has its place in sex. This may change your mind.

Click Read More to download the MP3.

Dexter Crippen, also known as "Hairy" Mary O'Leary, Singapore Bob, The Kid from Minnesota, the Teenager from Minnesota, the Guy from Minnesota, Gruntin' Joe Hanrahan and Jay Leno, is wanted by the FBI from crimes against animals, people, vegetables, and the blues.

Click Read More to hear the song and find out why.

Sound mouth John music shoutery

Guess who's back! Oh yeah! I've got Radio Mr John inside be, and it's so big! Let's go straight in, peddle to the mental.

War, famine, immigration, house prices, the popularity of "Deal or No Deal" - the modern world is a scary and confusing place.  Sit back, relax - someone has figured it all out for you...