(Because "yet" is VERY untitled)

(If you have a sense of humour then read on and I hope you enjoyed that last sentence.)

(If you do not have a sense of humour then do not read on and do not read that first sentence)

"Fancy a brew?"
"It is time."
"Time for what?"
"The time of revealing is upon us."
"What?!"
"I must now reveal to you my true identity."
"What in God's name are you talking about?"
"Be still."
"Be still yourself! Stop talking so much fucking crap and tell me if you want a drink."
"You must witness the transformation."
"Listen mate, the only thing that's going to be transforming here is your nose. From a protrusion to a dent if you don't shut the fuck up and tell me whether you want a fucking brew or not!"
"Your cooperation would be helpful, but it is not nescessary."
"Yeah, and your double talk might be impressive, but its not fucking wanted."
"Then I have no choice but to show you the truth whilst your eyes are closed."
"Oh for fucks sake, forget it!"

John and Dave has been friends for an eternity and more. They were born in the same ward, on the same day; grew up on the same street, went to the same school, and basically lived for each other's company. Now, at twenty four years of age, they were living in the same house and having the time of their lives. No commitments, no jobs, no responsibilities, no worries. It was a doddle.

Until now.

"See, for I must show," John said, his eyes locked with Dave's.

"Are you deaf? I said forget it! Enough! Quit! Halt! Stop! SHUT... THE... FUCK... UP!!" Dave was out of breath from shouting. He was beginning to get nervous, and he hated it when he got nervous because it made him angry. And he hated it when he was angry because he lost control. Unfortunately, the thought of losing control made Dave nervous.

John didn't flinch. He just continued to stare. "Hear, for I must speak."

At the sound of John's voice, all the anxiety drained from Dave's body and he was left with a feeling of serenity, such that it was beyond sleep.

There was no more anger, hatred or jealousy. It was as if John had become a syphon for all that negative emotion which had built within Dave throughout all their years.

Dave's eyes locked with John's and stayed there.

"Taste, for I must feed."

All his ambitions. All his desires, his dreams, disappeared in the space of a heartbeat, until Dave felt satisfied that ultimately, his life HAD meant something. Every goal had been attained. Every idol had been equalled. Dave's life did not have a purpose. Dave's life was his purpose. A big curly poo flopped out of his bottom and onto the floor. It was steaming and, as the hot vapours rose into the air, a face formed around the turd. The face was that of Eric Bristow. The room filled with the odour of a thousand plops. The paint began to peel from off the ceiling, and an evil looking stream of urine floated in through the open window. The wee wrapped itself around Dave's throat and began to squeeze. Dave's eyes bulged out of his head, until "Pop", one of his legs exploded. John laughed a hysterical laughter, and his teeth began to chant war songs in Russian. Then, a dog swam past with an ethereal energy being trapped between its tail and its head.

All of a sudden, there was a crack like thunder, and John began to convulse. Out of his mouth came a jet of orange juice the colour of houses, just as Dave turned into a stomach.

Without warning a cow with an idea for a head rolled up to Dave, and vehemently spat a letter into his face. Opening the envelope, the cow read aloud: "Go forth, Dave, and meet..." The cow stopped in mid-sentence as a submarine burst from its throat. The cow began to cry.

As the cow sobbed, a blue liquid filled with thick people came pouring from an open wound in its eye, and a loud knee entered from the east. The knee ate the cow and the submarine and the letter and the house-coloured orange juice and the ethereal energy being and the dog and the stream of urine and eric bristow's face and the curly shat on the floor. The knee then screamed angrily as it drank the blue liquid filled with thick people and changed Dave from a stomach to a human and stopped John from convulsing, forcing his teeth to stop chanting war songs in Russian, and repaired Dave's leg before fixing it back on to his hip, and re-painted the ceiling, and sprayed air freshener and mopped up the stain from the curly crap and then chewed itself into non-existence.

"No thanks," said John "I just had one."