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Aren't testicles cool! There are many things you can do with them, as you may know. But there are quite a few things you can do with them that you might not have known about. Proceed into the testicular world of mat urey and Mike Thorpe.

  1. Use a hole puncher on them
  2. Use them as a dartboard
  3. Have them signed by heavy-handed blokes using a fountain pen
  4. Have them sawn off with a blunt teaspoon
  5. Have them lain on an anvil and hit repeatedly with a large trout
  6. Be dropped from 12,000 feet above the ground and land on a fence with your legs either side of it
  7. Slam them in a lift door then press the "up" button
  8. Wrap a length of piano wire around them and squeeze slowly
  9. Lie face up with your legs wide apart, then have a freshly sawn tree land between them
  10. Inject them with bleach
  11. Press a lit cigarette into your "eye"
  12. Insert a rusty nine inch nail into your "eye" and pull it in and out
  13. Slide down a fireman’s pole in the nude
  14. Put a g-string on backwards too fast
  15. Be punched in them
  16. Have your legs, up to your hips, disappear as you walk over jagged rocks
  17. Have them laughed at by a stadium full of whelks
  18. Dangle them over a vat of giant lobsters which are starving and have BSE
  19. Boil them in a pan of vinegar
  20. Hold them over a bunsen burner on roaring blue flame
  21. Hold them under the pillow then have the tooth fairy take them by accident
  22. Have them turned into cartoon characters by strange men in white pumps
  23. Put them in a cup then drink them
  24. Mistake them for litter and drop them in the bin
  25. Mistake them for your nose and blow them by accident
  26. Scratch them then realise that your fingers have turned into very, very sharp knives
  27. Interrogate them
  28. Read them a bedtime story then shoot them in the face
  29. Dig them up from a grave in which you buried them alive two years ago
  30. Staple them to a wall then run away as fast as you can
  31. Use them as a notice board
  32. Hunt them down in a cruel game of hide and seek
  33. Tie one end of a piece of string to them and the other end to a formula one car as it drives away
  34. Make a herd of elephants stamp on them 24 hours a day, seven days a week for the rest of your life
  35. Cover them in batter and deep-fat fry them
  36. Stick a breadknife up your arse and pull toward your face in a lever motion
  37. Step on them accidentally, then wipe them on the grass as if ablutions of a dog
  38. Bounce them on the ground like two miniature basketballs
  39. Throw them at old women
  40. Bless somebody because you’ve got them
  41. Or do nothing, just accept that you’ve got them, no matter how insulting they look.