- Invaluable phrases for English speakers on visiting either a German or French speaking country.

Greetings to all you people.

Mr Michael James Thorpe esq. and Mr mat urey esq. are delighted to present the fruits of their hard linguistic labour, and present to you a selection of some "alternative" phrases you may want to use when you are on holiday in a country that speaks one of these languages.

Proceed southward....

FRENCH

• 1a: Excuse-moi monsieur, le congelateur mange mon chien! 1b: Excuse me sir, the freezer is eating my dog!

  2a: Ma glace est sur ton sale grenouille. 2b: My Ice cream is on your dirty frog.

  3a: Il ya un feu dans mon pantalon 3b: There is a fire in my pants

  4a: Avez-vous un poulet dans ton bateau? 4b: Have you a chicken on your boat?

  5a: Je suis un pampelmousse 5b: I am a grapefruit

GERMAN

1a: Mein vater ist sehr dick wann er das lange blaue kino gehest 1b: My father is very fat when he goes to the long blue cinema

2a: Ich will dein einkaufen trinken. 2b: I want to drink your shop.

3a: Vielen dank fur deine letzet geburtstag 3b: Many thanks for your last birthday

4a: Du hast eine lange nase. 4b: You have a long nose.

5a: Vie gehts deine schweine? 5b: How is your pig?

That concludes our lesson.

NOW GET OUT.

Note: Some snotty french guy e-mailed me to correct our grammar and spelling mistakes. I told him to go away and I ignored his corrections. If anybody else is thinking of correcting us, then you can fock right off. we don't care!