The sun will burst forth from the sky in a massive hydrogen joy jism, the trees will glow a beautiful summer green (except the purple ones) and a light breeze will play through the air like a metaphor for freedom. At night, we can tell stories around a fire and accidentally burn someone's face off with a molten marshmallow. It will be fun.

Gift shops* around the UK are filled with twee, nonsensical inanities on a magnetised format, inviting you to swap your cash for a meaningless life statement and adhere to the front of a food chilling device of your meal preparation zone. We would like to give you these ones for FREE, so you can print them out and replace them with our lovely versions.

Click the image to download a PDF, or Read More for instructions, JPG versions and credits.

Oh my GOODNESS me. It's been PROVEN by the TRUTH in that NEWSPAPERS hold the key to LIFE.

What does all this mean? Yes. Yes it does. Reading the more below will make you understand. READ MORE and find your life ENHANCING ITSELF.

Do you like music? Do you get bored easily? Well DON'T WORRY. We've summarised yet another popular song in to ten words or less (six in this case). Team Fishcake present a version of the feelgood hit of the summer - REM's "Everybody Hurts"

This fixture was not an unusual one, Buntford Academicals and Smaganooska Rampers had played in the cup last year, so there was the usual level of friendly rivalry between the fans and board members of each club, in this, the amateur football league in the South East of Kent. But this time Buntford were expected to win. Smaganooska had beaten them in the previous meeting thanks to a dubious penalty, awarded by amateur Referee, Peter Zooom and with him now retired after a yoghurt accident, the amateur football federation supplied Dougal Blew to officiate.